While much of the initial post-FOSTA/SESTA panic has subsided, the adjustment has been arduous and is ongoing. The landscape of the industry has changed dramatically. The divide between providers and clients has grown. This divide was created with intention by the morality police (I’m looking at you Swanee Hunt.). Previously, providers could chat with prospective clients on any number of boards prior to meeting them. You could get a feel for a client’s personality – were they lighthearted? Funny? Perhaps they had a particular political bent? Or maybe they were earnest and pensive…? How did they interact within the online community? Were they considered a member in good standing? Were other providers weary of them? What kind of reviews did they write? Now the opportunity to get to know prospective clients in this way is gone. The anti’s scream this is increasing safety. Really? It seems that it does just the opposite. But, then, what do I know? I am only a member of the impacted community not a member of the morality police.
Interestingly, for years now, groups like Polaris and Demand Abolition have been vociferous in claiming Backpage was the root of all evil. Not only was Backpage trafficking millions of 12-year olds EVERY SINGLE DAY* but it also regularly drove drunk and killed puppies on weekends. Did you ever wonder where Osama bin Laden was hiding all those years? Backpage. Here’s the thing: they won. Backpage is no more. Why are they still all screaming? Shouldn’t it be rainbows and unicorns all day long?? It’s very confusing.
Also confusing – for both providers and clients – is where to find each other. With numerous established sites closing down and new slapdash sites popping up, the terrain is chaotic. Muddling through can be bewildering and time consuming. Unfortunately, I don’t have much in the way of easy answers here. Time will tell which sites survive and which go the way of CL personals. As of January 2019, P411 is modifying their contact protocol and eliminating ads. Eccie.net went dark for a couple of months but is now back. Slixa.com raised their ad prices…. ummm…. a lot. Which, in a turbulent time for many SWers, can make advertising there prohibitive. Eros has, so far, been steady. There are too many new sites that have popped up in the last ~three months to possibly name them all here.
Here’s the thing: we aren’t going anywhere. No matter what bogus Constitution-defying bills are passed, the erotic service industry will survive. Anyone with even the most basic grasp of economics (supply and demand, anyone?!?) knows this to be true. We will evolve and adapt. We will continue to thrive.
* NO ONE should coerced into this industry. Anyone that is in this industry (at any age) through force, fraud, or coercion should be helped. Immediately. Having said this, according to the 2016 census data, there are ~12 million 12-14 year olds in the US. If half of them are boys, that leaves ~6 million girls. It sure seems improbable that *millions* of a total of 6 million girls are trafficked. Every. Day.
In all likelihood you have heard the clamor in the background of life over the last couple of weeks. The cacophony has been persistent and, seemingly, growing every day. That pullulating maelstrom is the herald of the Whorepocalypse. The sky is falling!! End times are nigh! The rapture is…. Ok, ok, perhaps I am being a tiny bit dramatic. But these are tumultuous times and many in the industry are feeling the discord.
- Backpage is gone.
- Cityvibe is gone.
- P411 is not accepting new US providers (per Gina: “We have no way to verify new providers, since most of the review sites are down or restricted.”).
- Eccie is gone.
- Craigslist is now just a website where you’d buy a used car.
- Reddit shut down all SW-related subreddits.
- TER is available worldwide excluding the US.
There are assuredly more the above list is missing as resources are disappearing at an astonishing clip.
Fosta/sesta was purportedly created to end trafficking. In reality, it is one step in an Orwellian campaign to enforce (*a specific brand of*) morality that prioritizes the eradication of sex work and pornography. Side effects of this campaign include elimination of SWer resources, breakdown of community/communication, public shaming, propagation of stigma, and intentional blurring of lines between legal and illegal SW. That many of these come at the expense of the safety of those in the industry is secondary to the advancement of their cause. Thusly, the proponents of this bill to help save trafficking victims seemingly feel the most advantageous way to do so is to endanger those they claim they are trying to rescue. If you follow that logic.
While fosta/sesta does have some impact on me (more on that later), the most pervasive effects are likely to be felt by those who are most vulnerable. With the closing of BP and CL, there are no national, free or inexpensive ad boards. If a SWer is low on funds, how are they to advertise? They can’t. Those sites have all been shuttered. There is a new site that has free posting called Doublelist. I don’t know much about it and am not sure that, in this climate, this nascent board will survive. Though for survival SWers, Doublelist (or a site akin to it) could be the difference between being able to pay rent and being on the street. On the topic of the street, there is another free option: take a stroll down Aurora. Of course, that means no screening, getting in cars with strangers, more exposure to LE… the hazards of street-based SW increase by degrees of magnitude. As resources disappear, it becomes progressively harder for providers to stay safe. Marginalized and vulnerable SWer populations become more marginalized and more vulnerable. More desperate.
The passage of fosta/sesta was the impetus for me to evaluate my cybersecurity status and implement a few upgrades. When I began working ~4 years ago, I created a gmail address that has been my primary point of contact ever since. Last week, I began phasing out that email and migrating over to protonmail (PM). PM is free, encrypted, and calls Switzerland home. If you are not familiar with it, I would urge you to check it -or an alternate encrypted email application- out. Once my PM account was set up, I did two things: first, I paid $60 to upgrade to a plus account thereby making all emails encrypted. And, second, I went over to NordVPN and paid $70 for a two-year subscription. Both steps were easy and make online communication safer and private. One other issue that needed to be addressed was my website hosting company. Luckily, my web guru was on top of this and my site was smoothly shifted over to a hosting company in the Netherlands that is friendly to adult content.
As I type, it has occurred to me that some may read this post and think these precautions are pertinent for providers only. On the contrary, I would strongly urge anyone to take these steps – set up an encrypted email and VPN. Both can be done in under an hour and are reasonably priced. Other advice for hobbyists is to stick with seeing established, reputable providers – ideally ones that you know. And, should you decide to branch out, ask for referrals from a lady with whom you have an established and trusted relationship. Alternately, many providers have a ‘friends’ page on their website (myself included). These ‘friends’ pages are a good way to safely broaden your horizons.
These are tumultuous times and the industry is evolving. No matter how many laws are passed or what hyberpole is shouted by abolitionists, the industry isn’t going away. The bible was (allegedly) written something like 3500 years ago and you may be familiar with a prominent character in that book named Mary…. Sex work will endure. We do, however, have to be aware and take measures to keep ourselves, and each other, safe.
Ok, I am pretty late with this thank you but better late than never, right?!? You may have noticed I have a new website. Pretty spiffy, huh? I think so! Not surprisingly, I did not do this myself. The incredible Cory from Honey Butter is due the credit. He is amazing. Being a type-A means endless (and I do mean endless) questions. I have to be involved with every, single detail. Cory is patient, creative, and kind. I appreciate him so very much. It’s possible we went back and forth on whether or not to have a wish list page a thousand times (my issues with this are well documented!). My prior site worked well for it’s time. Unfortunately, it had gotten a little stale and I really wanted to a completely different look. The end result is lovely and I am super happy. A big thank you to Cory and Honey Butter!!
People ask me about Revel all the time. They want to know ALL the details. Who was there? What happened? Two girls at once? Three? What happened in the jacuzzi?!?! The libertines like to know they have company in their debauchery!!! Unfortunately, it’s difficult to encapsulate an event like Revel in a few words (as any of the attendees can attest!). It’s an experience. Each one is unique. And amazing. Last night was all of those things and more. There are times when everything just gels. The people ‘click’ and the energy…. the energy is out of control. Last night was that night. So much so that the inviolable no camera rule was broken for the above pic. It was taken at the end of the evening, at the close of an all ladies romp in one of the upstairs bedrooms. It began with four ladies but that number quickly increased to culminate in a sweaty, bed shaking, sheet shredding, carnival of entwined limbs. Oh man!! This, this is the stuff that fantasies are made of!! They say a picture is worth a thousand words. For everyone that asks me about Revel, see above pic.
Ok, sybarites, until the spring party….
There are tons of women’s magazines, beauty blogs, and shows about women’s beauty. The products, the regimen, the torture, and so on. However, I came across an article on Vice about penis extenders. In the midst of the article were two videos. One was the video ad for the aforementioned penis extenders and the second featured Scrotox. Don’t know what Scrotox is? I didn’t either. It is Botox for men’s scrotums. Seriously.
There’s a lot to unpack in the above paragraph. Let’s start with penis extenders. As if the millions of “magic pills” that allegedly enlarge your penis weren’t enough, now there is a physical device that claims to enlarge a man’s penis by up to 35%. I wonder if there will ever be time when we evolve enough to stop with the penile enlargement stuff. Here’s the thing: I don’t want you to have a monstrous cock. All that means is you are going to be pounding against my cervix. That is uncomfortable, if not outright painful, for me. And, actually, for you too since you will just be banging against the tip of my IUD. As I understand it, that sucker is rather prickly. The net result: everybody is unhappy. My suggestion is to be happy with what genetics gave you. If you are looking for an area to improve, try for technique. That will make all parties participating much more orgasmic!! Learn what makes your partner pant, tremble, and beg for more. I can guarantee you it is not an 12″ cock.
Now Scrotox…. this is too much. Or perhaps because I don’t have testicles I don’t understand the urge to Botox them. Perhaps there are tons of men out there that feel terribly self-conscious about the appearance of their balls. They have spent years yearning for smoother, larger looking testicles and Scrotox is the answer to their prayers. Scrotox claims to smooth out wrinkles, and make the testicles appear both more descended and larger. Though I feel this way about pretty much any beauty treatment that involves jamming needles into your body, I have to ask… is this really necessary? First world problems, for sure. According the video on Vice, the Scrotox worked and the test subject claimed he was happy with the results. This just make me more curious. If anyone has had this treatment, I would like to hear about it. I am fascinated by the motivation and the outcome. Does smoother testicles make you more confident in bed? Is it strictly a mental boost? Or is it as silly as I imagine? No women I know would be so delighted with a man’s smoother balls that it makes her come. In fact, most women are pretty indifferent to testicles. I mean they may be fun to play with for a minute or two but they definitely are not the main attraction!!
Hey friend! Are you, by any chance, a supporter of free speech? If you are here, I should sure hope so. Do you read, post, write reviews, or maybe just lurk on any boards? If you do, keep reading. If you don’t, know that this could severely impact me and all of my colleagues that you enjoy spending time with so you should keep reading anyway. Plus, free speech. As so many of you know, I have a big mouth. Some of my views are distinctly unpopular. But, just like you, I have the right to express them. Let’s keep it that way.
Briefly and from the EFF Action website:
“There’s a new bill in Congress that would threaten your right to free expression online. If that weren’t enough, it could also put small Internet businesses in danger of catastrophic litigation.”
Don’t let the name fool you: the Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act (SESTA) wouldn’t help punish sex traffickers. What it would do is expose the Internet content platforms that we all rely on every day to the risk of overwhelming criminal and civil liability for their actions.
SESTA would erode one of the most important laws protecting free expression online. Under current law, an intermediary (like a social media platform or a message board) can’t be held legally responsible for the content created by its users for purposes of enforcing certain laws affecting speech online.
SESTA would extend more criminal and civil liability for sex trafficking to content platforms, thus making opening or running such a platform an extremely dangerous venture. The law would affect any company, organization, or individual that hosts content created by someone else on the Internet: social media sites, photo and video-sharing apps, newspaper comment sections, and even community mailing lists. Small Internet startups would become vulnerable to extremely costly legal threats. So would web platforms run by nonprofit and community groups, which serve as invaluable outlets for free expression and knowledge sharing.”
Please copy and paste the link below to automatically send emails to all your reps. Simply enter your name/address and it will contact your representatives with a strongly worded email demanding they NOT support this bill. It takes approximately 15 seconds to do. Thank you!!
There’s no point in prevaricating: I am unbelievably lucky! I lead a charmed life. In May I hosted my 11th party. Eleven! And it was incredible. Wait, let me try that again: INCREDIBLE!!!!!!! Every party has a star and this one was no exception. One gentleman -let’s call him…. Chuck- brought a chin cock. Don’t know what a chin cock is? I didn’t either until he showed up with one. Nor did many of the ladies. (Google it!) Chuck was the absolute star of the party!! At one point there was a line of ladies snaking down the side of the couch he was reclining on, all waiting for their turn to ride the chin cock. It was so great!! Imaginary snapshots of moments like that fill my imaginary Hall of Fame. Which may be the dirtiest, most lascivious Hall of Fame ever….
The month following a party is usually quiescent. Not this year: June marked the inaugural party in Vancouver. Verona and Catherine are amazing and did a stellar job putting that event together!! It was my first trip to Canada so it only makes sense I went up there for an orgy!!! To keep up the excitement in July, just a couple of days ago, I sent out the ‘Save the Date’ for the September party. I’m pretty meticulous (my spreadsheets have spreadsheets) so as I was putting together info for the Sept party, I realized that the darned thing is thisclose to being sold out. I haven’t even sent the official invite yet!! Don’t get me wrong, if this is the only thing I have to cavil about, life is so very good! There was a moment where I reflected on how much these parties have grown over the last couple years. It makes my heart glow and my panties wet!
Did you know that a couple of the gentlemen arrested in the john-shaming, hubris-filled, and exaggerated TRB arrests have chosen to fight back? Instead of allowing the Seattle prosecutor’s office to streamroll them with threats of additional charges and being put on the sex offenders registry(???? For writing a review of an hour between two consenting adults!), these brave souls have lawyered up and are ready to fight. Here’s the thing: it’s expensive. We would like them to know the community is here both in spirit and monetarily. Please see the note below to find out how you can contribute. If you are not comfortable donating online, I am happy to meet up with you to pick up a donation, ensure it gets to the right hands, and that you remain completely anonymous. The results of these cases could impact our community tremendously. Please read and please, please, please help if you are able. Thank you!!!
You’ve read about Seattle’s Review Board cases in our December 13 and 14 “News and Updates” posts, and Elizabeth Nolan Brown’s articles in Reason magazine about the serial arrests of men who posted online notes about consenting call girls and are now being charged with “promoting prostitution” – a felony.
Now you can do something about this! You can contribute to the defense of two of these defendants who have bravely refused to settle with the prosecutors and have chosen to stand and fight.
Copy/paste the link below to learn more, and to contribute whatever you’re able to their defense:
Give to the Review Board defense
It brings me tremendous joy to turn your attention a website. A website that is concomitantly very special and long past due. www.sexworkclients.org. As many of the workers in the erotic labor industry have mobilized over the past decade, there has been a silence that is nothing short of deafening from our clientele (with rare few exceptions – thank you, Chester Brown).
The myriad reasons for this silence are obvious. The ignominy heaped on clients is real. There is prescious little the DAs office in Seattle seems to love more than so-called “john-shaming”…. even if said activity results in death (RIP Tahoe Ted). While some changes are, naturally, evolutionary, the majority are revolutionary. We, collectively, must instigate change. Just last year the wording of the law in WA state was changed from “patronizing a prostitute” to “sexual exploitation.” That change from something that sounds innocuous (and 95% of the time is between two consenting adults and is harmless) to something that sounds deplorable was calculated. Sexual exploitation dovetails nicely into the prurient narrative that anti’s are resolutely feeding the masses. To speak plainly: it’s time for this shit to stop.
Just like people that work in the sex industry are mothers/fathers, neighbors, PTA members, artists, writers, GoT fans, etc.; clients are brothers/sisters, soccer coaches, accountants, friends, hikers, bikers, etc. People are just people. Buying my time doesn’t make you more or less of a contributing member of society. I, and my colleagues, would greatly appreciate if you used your voice to help us instigate change. You can even do it anonymously. It’s time.
This is a little late but I felt it was still relevant so I wanted to post it. This past 4th of July, I took some time off. Though I’m in the midst of planning my next party, sometimes a bit of reflection is good. I’m not a huge fan of the 4th (we celebrate the annihilation of indigenous cultures and our history of depredation and violence in the US by blowing stuff up – how poetic), I am a fan of cultural freedom. While there are many wrongs that we still need to right, I wholly support whatever societal pluralism allows me to live and work here in Seattle in relative peace. While I will never stop fighting for decrim, having the autonomy to work, play, live in my color-outside-the-lines lifestyle is a freedom I do not take for granted.
There needs to be comity between police and sex workers. The question is: how can we achieve it? The current situation is based on fear. Within the sex industry, there is a long history of abuse and extortion by police. There are many wonderful police officers out there. There are also officers that use their badge as a shield for deplorable behavior. Historically, the relationship between police and sex workers has been contentious, at best. It has led current sex workers to avoid the police at all costs. Because of this, predators target sex workers because they can operate with autonomy and impunity in this community (see the Green River Killer). This must stop.
Several sex workers affiliated with SWOP-Sacremento developed a draft of an immunity agreement that will protect sex workers that have had crimes committed against them in going to the police. It affords them immunity from arrest for prostitution so police can focus on the greater crime – be it sexual assault, battery, etc. SWOP-Seattle has obtained a copy of this draft. I am really happy to be part of a team working on re-writing it for Seattle. Sex workers deserve the same rights as any other people. And if they are robbed or raped, they should have the same ability for criminal redress as anyone else.
In Toni Mac’s amazing TED talk, “The Laws Sex Workers Really Want” there is one line that resonated with me. She queries (I’m paraphrasing here): the questions isn’t: do you want your daughter to be a sex worker? The question is: if your daughter is working in the sex industry tonight, what can we do to keep her safe?
An immunity agreement isn’t about whether sex work is right or wrong. It isn’t about legalizing or decriminalizing sex work. It is about keeping people safe. And I truly hope that the politicians, police officers, and people of Seattle will agree that keeping people safe is a priority not to be ignored.
Yesterday afternoon when Maggie McNeill showed me the cover for this Sunday’s New York Times magazine, I had tears in my eyes. I was SO proud of my amazing friends, co-workers, and activist allies, standing proud on the cover of the motherfucking New York Times magazine. Maggie, Jade Thunderstorm, Endza, Kristen DiAngelo, Sadie, Olivia Fyre, Tobi Hill-Meyer, Bea, Savannah Sly… I’m probably forgetting a few people but my heart damn near exploded. (I also had a moment where I cursed my travel schedule that had me in New York when they were photographing here and here when they were photographing in New York.) Isn’t it amazing that all these sex workers have two arms, two legs, a head…. I mean they look like normal people. In fact, they are normal people. Insane, right?? I know there are some evangelical christians and abolitionists whose heads just exploded.
If you have no idea what I am talking about, go here right now:
You back? Good. The article isn’t perfect but it is as close to perfect as we’ve gotten in any major publication to date. There is one pretty important thing I would be remiss if I didn’t mention. None of this would have happened if it hadn’t been for one very out-spoken and determined dominatrix named Mistress Matisse. She was the fire behind getting this story done and major, major kudos to her for getting it done right.
According to research by reason.com, of the 2,515 Federal investigations into human trafficking from 2008-2010, only 6% led to arrests. This leads me to wonder: what kind of funding was appropriated for this utter failure of a venture? How many millions (and millions) of tax payer dollars were wasted by federal agents chasing their tails?
It also leads me to wonder how this money could have been more propitiously distributed…. Our country is trillions of dollars in debt, schools are drastically underfunded, and many federal employees are on a pay freeze. Yet the government seems to feel it is acting in good stead to run in circles screaming about “the children, the children”!!! You know, those MILLIONS of kids taken from every neighborhood in America that no one has ever been able to find despite multi-year, multimillion dollar search efforts. The ones that are then chained to a radiator somewhere and forced to have sex with 40-50 men a day…but that no one ever hears from nor finds again. As in there is not a single survivor out there of these millions that is willing to come forward to work with authorities to stop this massive scale trafficking ring?!?! I will reiterate here that I find anyone coerced into sex work against their will abhorrent – no matter their age. But isn’t it time we acknowledge that there are some discrepancies in the numbers put forth by abolitionists (the same people that run their non-profits made possible by donations they garner by peddling tragedy porn)?
There has been SO much media coverage lately about the sex industry. Everything from the Rentboy raid to the CEASE Network to increased funding for End Demand. Seattle recently received $1.5 million to fight the very nebulously defined “trafficking.”. Just a day or so ago, Time Magazine published an article focusing on End Demand statagem (http://time.com/sex-buyers-why-cops-across-the-u-s-target-men-who-buy-prostitutes/). In a horrifying tact, they talked to police from one of the most repellant departments in the US – Cook Country in Chicago. This is home to (play Wagner’s Flight of the Valkyries here) the The Infamous Tom Dart.
In the brief accompanying video, I came across a woman speaking that absolutely blew my mind. She stated, “One day God sent an angel in handcuffs to rescue me.” Now please keep in mind, this woman was not a 12-year old immigrant being kept in a basement chained to a radiator that spoke not a word of English. She is an African-American adult woman that had a serious of abusive boyfriends she later termed as “pimps.” Since I don’t know her full story, I am in no position to pass judgment. However, a couple questions do come to mind. First, as an adult woman seemingly capable of making informed, coherent decisions, if she wasn’t happy working in the sex industry, why didn’t she stop? And, second, I can understand the cyclical, unhealthy nature of an abusive relationship. It is always easy for spectators to say, well why didn’t you just leave? I empathize. It isn’t always that easy. In harmful relationships, there are almost always multiple forms of abuse. Be it physical and verbal, or verbal and psychological… Or, all of the above. One caught in the web, having no confidence, no money, and no place to go, it can seem like you are stuck with no options. It is terrible, but it happens. What I question is that she mentions a string (which I interpreted to be more than three though I do not have enough information to say this as a fact). That, to me, is a bit suspect. If this woman was so unhappy in the sex industry, why was she going from relationship to relationship dating guys forcing her to work? There is something off about her story.
Even more troublesome is the idea that she was “rescued” by an “angel in handcuffs.” Oddly, my own interactions with ladies that have been arrested in the sex industry (and, thankfully, I have no first-hand knowledge), is that the experience is uniformly negative. It varies from cops being insulting/degrading to physically abusive all the way to officers demanding and claiming to be entitled to sexual gratification because the these woman are just whores anyway. Moving beyond that, once arrested, I don’t know anyone that claims jail is an outstanding experience they can’t wait to repeat…although I suppose this country’s sky high recidivism rates would indicate jail does have it’s appeal. Nevertheless, women that have been arrested for prostitution then face social stigma, familial issues, and then, should they leave the sex industry, have the anchor around their neck of applying for any job in the future with a prostitution charge on their record. Not exactly the stuff of angels.
As many of you have heard by now, my friend and neighbor, Jae, was in a horrible hit-and-run motorcycle accident. She is currently is in critical condition at what is possibly the worst, most ass-backwards hospital in the US located in rural Idaho. As so many know, Jae is Seattle’s charming woman, she is our bobkatgirl… She is the brightest star is our universe and brings laughter, light, and love wherever she goes. And she needs your help. Jae’s partner, Maggie McNeill is with her. Ground control team Mistress Matisse and Savannah Sly are managing to keep everyone updated and giving Maggie the breathing room she needs to deal with her sudden relocation to be by Jae’s side and all the medical bullshit that goes with an accident of this magnitude. A gofundme page has been started to help Jae. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Jae is going to need help paying back medical bills that will be staggering, she needs to be moved back to Seattle where her extensive and loving support system is located, she is going to need help getting back o her feet (literally and figuratively)… if you can help, please go to: http://www.gofundme.com/bobkatgirl The last thing I want to do is pressure people to give when they are not comfortable doing so. However, if you are, and have $10, $20, or $100 you could spare, this is a woman who very much needs it. She has given so much too so many people; let us take this opportunity to give back.
At the request of a favored client, I have updated my wish lists. As I have mentioned previously, I was a bit conflicted even posting these… My clients give so much to me already, I am uncomfortable setting an expectation of more. Please, please know there are absolutely no expectations here. I acknowledge that there are some folks that enjoy bestowing their friends with gifts that are of a tangible nature. As a person like that myself, I understand the motivation. However, there are people that choose to express themselves in other ways. I appreciate that equally.
Now that we have cleared that up… Feel free to peruse my wish list at Net-A-Porter: https://www.net-a-porter.com/wishlist/ I love this site. Absolutely everything on it simultaneously makes me swoon and makes me giggle at the absurdity of it. $30 for nail polish – who doesn’t pay that?! $390 for a pair on underwear – naturally!! But, also, hot damn do they have some SEXY lingerie. La Perla, Agent Provocateur, and Carine Gilson… They have, in all seriousness, an Agent Provocateur playsuit for $3990. See how they did that?? It isn’t $4000 so it is totally a reasonable price. What’s worse is: I want it. Badly. Then they have the La Perla neoprene bra for $1460. Scuba couture – who knew?? And the shoes – where is my fainting couch?? Just. So. Sexy.
Wait for it, ahh… here it is: my nerdy side emerges. You can find that at: http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/367B4438SBYM5/ref=cm_wl_huc_view I love books. And summer break is my time to fly through as many as possible before I return to a reading list that is oriented around 17-century epic poetry. To be clear, I prefer the used books that cost $0.01. Trees are great; the less we cut down the better. Thusly, no need for new books.
And this concludes our consumer moment. Our return to sexy programming is imminent!
Some pretty intense personal issues have kept me from working much the last week or so but there are a couple of things that absolutely require noting. The first is the Supreme Court’s landmark ruing for marriage equality. #LoveWins. Clicking through the New York Times slideshow of photos brought tears to my eyes. It was edifying to see folks that have been together for decades, finally, getting to apply for marriage licenses. These are people that when they first met (one of the couples had been together for over 50 years) would have been in hiding. Living lives filled with shame, guilt, and called perverts – or much, much worse.
Yet they persevered. They believed in each other, their love, and that the close-minded people around them would eventually come to accept them as equals. And, even if the world shunned them, they had each other. Thankfully we evolve. Social stigmas fade. The apocryphal sophistry of homosexual equating to pedophile became something that only the most close-minded of bigots would perpetuate. Finger pointing was replaced by insouciance. The majority of people simply stopped caring what happened behind the closed doors of the two attractive men that live in the exceptionally well-appointed one-bedroom apartment down the hall.
Don’t get me wrong. All is not peaches and cream in the world. Anyone that read Scalia’s execrable dissent on the vote knows there is still a long way to go for true, true equality. But, in this moment, on this weekend, there is more than enough to celebrate. It is Pride and there is a parade and parties… and so many people have a real reason to celebrate. As well they should. Happy Pride!!!!
Several days ago Nyx Callaway posted a question on TRB asking “Ads: Tell me what helps…” This sparked quite a discussion on what was the best approach to writing an effective ad. It was interesting to see the various points of view presented by different hobbyists – as well as the few providers that chimed in. This got me thinking and a day or so later I posted a question: “Ads: Conversely – what is an absolute “no” in an ad?” This further precipitated an extensive discussion. Again, it was absolutely fascinating to see disparate views put forth by people.
What was intriguing is that there seemed to be very little in the way of general consensus on either side. For every person that said they didn’t like too much text, there was someone else that said they really like to get a feel for the provider and preferred they include text. Oh, wait, there was consensus one thing: photos. Almost uniformly, it seems there is a strong preference for current, not photoshopped pics. Although that seems like a fairly obvious inclusion.
Other than that, they replies were all over the map. Tell me about yourself, but don’t talk about yourself too much. Definitely show that you are an upscale provider but don’t give off a vibe of exclusivity because that is off-putting (which I totally get). Don’t tOgGlE your TeXt which is another one I heartily agree with. But be sure to keep your text concise and interesting. Make sure whatever you do write is grammatically correct. Or not. Because (according to some) most guys aren’t going to bother reading it anyways! Like I said, all over the map.
There were a few things that were definite takeaways. The aforementioned non-toggling of text, don’t be a snob, and use good photos. As some of you already know, I write ads for quite a few providers in Seattle and elsewhere. If anyone out there has additional comments to add to this discussion, email me. I am quite interested in hearing what works. What attracts you to one ad and repels you from another? What are your “red flags”? I’d love to hear your opinion.
The response from the first orgy was overwhelming. Overwhelmingly positive that is 😉 Within 48 hours of the event, I had thank you notes from -literally- every single person that attended saying that had an amazing time. It exceeded every expectation I had and made me squirm with glee. Given the response, I decided the best thing to do was to have another party. Which is exactly what I am going to do! Although, having done this once now, I have some experience to use as a jumping off point and there will be some changes.
First, the timing is going to shift a bit. The first event began at 8pm. This one is going to start at 7pm. That is a minor detail. Second, and something that is far more exciting to me is that there are several couples that have expressed an interest in attending. This is delightful and I am just thrilled. It will change the dynamic a bit but I think it will do so only in the very best way. Needless to say, I am absolutely ecstatic to be hosting a second party and can’t wait to see how this one plays out!!
Oh man… thoughtless jerk here. You may be (not at all) surprised to hear that I did not pull this orgy off all by myself. It is incredibly important to note that an event of this scale and complexity did not happen with a simple twitch of the nose. A HUGE thank you goes out to the many people that helped. There were folks that fielded my initial calls when I had no idea how to even begin planning an orgy, the people that helped with logistics and those that showed up early to help set up and stayed late to help clean up.
While there are too many people to mention every single one, I would like to take a moment to acknowledge several that went above and beyond: Savannah Sly for being my initial go-to; Arch for throwing idea after idea at me and making me think, think, think of so many things (I’m sad you couldn’t join us since you had so many ideas that were helpful in putting the whole thing together!!); Sola Love – brought not only a massage table and a Sybian but also her expertise, advice, masks, heated massage oils, extra linens, I could go on…. oh, AND her luscious body; Charles for being one of my very first brainstorming partners who gave me much invaluable advice; and Raven who came through day-of with extra masks, paper goods, and she was also kind enough to bring along her smoking hot bod – yowza!!! Tyler, house mom extraordinaire and whom Samantha Maddox dubbed the “ninja lube fairy”: he was everywhere he needed to be all night long making sure there were always condoms, lube, towels, bottles of water, and whatever was needed wherever it was needed at the exact moment someone realized they needed it. That kind of incredible timing must be a superpower, right? I mean he was the only person on all three floors that was fully dressed (by some point he was the only person on three floors with a stitch of clothing on!) and yet he remained completely unobtrusive. And, finally, this event seriously would not have happened without the help of my other half, the yin to my yang, the tall to my short, the blond to my brunette, my incall mate and my partner in crime: Lauren Love. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!! My friends rock!!!!
I’m not the first girl to say this and certainly won’t be the last: I really love my job. It is my escape. So much of my time is dedicated to schoolwork that my three clients a week are the times I look forward to most. It is my opportunity to turn my brain off and turn my senses on. Instead of worrying about primary source material, I get to explore, tease, tantalize, give and receive pleasure… it is absolute heaven. Seriously.
The other day there was a small incident that caused some literal fireworks. Now, normally I prefer the fireworks to be of the erotic kind. As in: “Sol, you blew my mind! I swear it was like the Fourth of July!!” However, last week a very different incident occurred. It happened when a client was using his exceptionally talented mouth on me. In my writhing, my head had somehow gotten mushed into the top of the bed and was under a pillow. In the throes of, well, orgasmic ecstasy, I threw the offending pillow out of my way. And, unbeknownst to me, directly onto the nightstand which just happened to have several lit candles on it. The pillow went up in flames. Thankfully, my quick thinking client grabbed the pillow and stomped it out. The rescue was not without injury – his hand suffered several small burn marks. And, wow, did I feel bad. I mean, it is definitely a compliment to any man that a woman can be so distracted by his oral skills that a flaming pillow doesn’t even register. However, I would like to take this opportunity to thank him for his quick thinking and for, quite literally, saving the day. My hero!
We took a short break to apply burn cream and clean up the detritus of the fire. Then I felt it was my duty to make sure the said client knew just how appreciative I was of his efforts. And I am pretty sure he did 😉 However, I would just like to again say to this person – thank you!! Not only for the spectacular oral skills but also for the quick thinking!! And, as I told him, I look forward to making it up to him again and again in a future meeting. I take my apologies very seriously!!
Last Thursday marked the latest in a string of super successful parties. And by “parties” I mean orgies. It was a testament to the thriving libidos of our fine Seattlites (and visiting friends) that we partied on in spite of all the madness of the last few weeks. Although since none of the participants were Asian or trafficked, it seems we don’t meet the SPD criteria for needing to be “saved” – thank goodness!! We did have a few ladies that declined to participate for fear of men in SWAT uniforms bursting through the doors. Alas, no such luck (who doesn’t love a man in uniform?!?). The party was nothing short of a huge fucking success. Emphasis on fucking.
We had rented an amazing six-bedroom house in Capitol Hill that came complete with an eight-person jacuzzi. The space was gorgeous and seemed tailor made for our debauchery. There was a large kitchen/living room that, at one point, was just a thriving, writhing mass of bodies. The voyeur in me loved it. Of course the participant in me meant that I only got to watch for a minute or two before diving in, er, face first. I am pretty sure my face landed somewhere between Raven’s thighs but, you know, bodies get blurry when there are that many!! We also got so very lucky in having the absolutely gorgeous Danielle as our in-house FBSM girl for the evening. Not only does she have exceptionally talented hands but, well, let’s just say she really got into the spirit of things!! And our gents – wow. We had such an amazing group of guys at this party. It was incredible. Hats off to Old Cowboy who at 91-years young was an absolute stud. When I grow up, I want to be him!!
These parties are very much a labor of love for me. It takes tremendous planning and a huge amount of time/energy/endless emails to make everything (ahem!) come together. But then once it is the night of the party-it is all so very worth it! Until next time…
It seems like only yesterday that I went to my very first TRB party. There was dancing (hello Twinkle Toes!!), laughing, and I met so, so many wonderful people. It was not yesterday. That was back in October at the Halloween party. Time certainly does fly when you are having fun! Now it is already time for the Valentine’s Day party. While Halloween was, of course, a costume party, the V-day party is cocktail dress required. Which, naturally, raises the dilemma of finding the perfect dress. It must be sexy(!!!) yet understated, a head turner yet classy, and appealing without flashing the world my lady parts. Finding such a dress is more difficult than it would seem.
Given my predicament, I would like some help. If you could make your way over to www.shopbop.com, you will find a wish list under Sol Finer. If you feel very strongly towards a specific dress, you are welcome to just have it shipped to the townhouse (sizes and info are already saved there). Otherwise, please send your opinions/suggestions to email@example.com. Thank you!!
The short answer: yes. The long answer: I am offering a service and clients understand that they purchase my time. I work of my own volition as an independent provider. I report to no one, have neither boss nor bureaucracy to deal with, create my own schedule as companion to my revolving academic calendar… what’s not like? Initially I was attracted to this more out of curiosity than anything else. I am naturally inquisitive and, while I had plenty of experience, I felt like there was just… more out there. A little over a year ago I had ended a long-term relationship, moved across the country and begun work on an advanced degree. It was a paradigm shift in my world in so many ways.
To be clear, I was never starved for attention or intimacy; on the contrary, I had, had plenty of sex. Lots of good sex. Some great sex. And the occasional mind-blowing orgasm thrown in there for good measure. Although in all truth, I have always been a fan of quality over quantity so while I had lots of sex, it was with very few people. My point is, there was More, I just knew it. And I wanted in. My personality leans towards empathic and I’ve always enjoyed giving people pleasure. It didn’t seem like an outrageous idea to begin work as a provider – in equal measure to give others pleasure and explore my own sexuality. As a single female in my almost 30s, I wanted to push my own boundaries – heck, I wasn’t even sure what my boundaries were! And, while some scream about the dangers of this industry (which are very real – safety is not be taken lightly), it seemed like working in my own controlled environment with clients that were screened/verified was a safer bet than randomly taking home strangers from bars to help me figure out what I liked. Moreover, self-selecting seemed to defeat the purpose of my expedition.
I can say with 100% honestly that I have never regretted my decision. The butterflies before meeting a client for the first time; the mystery of what is on the other side of the door; the initial engagement; the chemistry of elements to create intense physical and emotional joy; post-coital chatter when the walls are down and the normal societal enforced sense of decorum is absent and honesty is present; interacting with people of all ages, races, and physical proportions; finding out that what turns me on in my head isn’t always what makes my toes curl in real life – or sometimes finding out it is… Above all else, the people that I’ve met have changed my life – and not just in the bedroom. These are people that I never in a million years would have met if not for the hobby. Men and women that I have come to trust and value as friends and partners – it makes me so grateful. I feel incredibly lucky and try very hard not to take my life for granted.
Yes. The answer is: yes, I very much like what I do for work.
Everyone has bad experiences in this industry. That’s on both sides: provider and client. It is just kind of par for the course. Except, I have never really had a bad experience. Until, that is, just the other day. And, really, on the scale of bad experiences, this one is very, very minor. It turned out that a potential client had wasted a tremendous amount of my time (time I don’t really have…. Thesis, will write yourself? No? I didn’t think so.).
That was really it. There were many emails back and forth – he was, admittedly new to the hobby. After the initial screening process, most read something like: Are you free now? me: No. Are you free in an hour? me: No. I explained to him a number of times that approach rarely works with me and he really needed to make an appointment. Finally, he did. And then blew it off.
I am not sure if clients understand the preparations we go through for an appointment. And if you would prefer it remain a mystery, by all means, skip to the next paragraph. I need to get over to my incall, shower, shave my legs, attempt to tame my unruly hair, make-up, set up the towel warmer, light candles, music, etc. Each of these is only a few minutes but all together I usually arrive at my incall an hour or an hour and a half before my client is scheduled to show up. Also, I try to be ready about ten minutes before the scheduled time just in case they are early.
So not only was time wasted on the emails but then about two hours of my day was wasted on getting “all dressed up with no place to go.” Two hours during the week before Christmas when I can assure you I have a to-do list that is a mile long. Annnnd I will stop complaining now.
Because what happened after really blew me away. I sent out an email to the provider network (in Seattle, we are a very tight community) that included this gentleman’s info. I mentioned he did not seem like a bad guy but, in light of the wasted time, I would suggest any girl he contacts to get a non-refundable deposit from him prior to an appointment. If I can save one gal all the wasted time and hassle I went through, well, then it’s all good.
The response from the women in Seattle…. amazing. It warmed my heart. Almost every single girl I emailed responded with a thank you and some wonderfully kind words. These girls, superficially, are my competition. However, I don’t view it that way. Seattle is a big city and there is work enough for all of us. It is incredible that so many of my co-workers share this view and instead of competing, we work together to keep each other safe and informed. Nevermind the outpouring of compassion – I got so many, “I’m glad you are ok.” emails I thought my eyes were going to start leaking.
In this season of holiday cheer, I would like to wish each and every one of you a very happy holiday!! I hope your days are filled with love, laughter, and warmth. Merry merry!!!
Heading south… All the way to Portland. I have made a few quick excursions to the lovely city to the south but haven’t truly spent much time there. I am heading down at the beginning of next week to explore for a few days and visit with my friend, the exceptionally delicious, Poppy Black.
This all began at the behest of a potential client. He resides in Portland but saw my ad, read my website, and decided we had to meet. Thusly, I was enticed to head on down to visit the city of strip clubs, craft cocktails, and food trucks. While I will only be there for a few days, I hope to pack in as much sight-seeing, strip clubbing, and food trucking (is food trucking an actual phrase?!?) as possible. Please email me with suggestions, tips, and advice. With limited time, I want to ensure I hit the best spots!
Knock, knock, 30? It’s me, Sol, and I’m just itching to come in. Only one more year in my 20s! I have always liked the saying: “Do no regret getting older. It is a privilege denied to many.” And it’s very true.
I can honestly say that being 19-, 20-, 21-years old was enjoyable. But I can also honestly say that I wouldn’t want to go back. The life experiences, knowledge, and whatever miniscule amount of wisdom I have accrued in the ensuing years has proven wonderful. The maturity that only comes with years is truly priceless. Instead of dreading the future, I look forward to it. So many amazing things have happened in my life that I feel as though it is only a hint of what’s to come.
Many people have asked me what I would like for birthday gifts. And I feel awkward answering this question. I know many providers have entire pages dedicated to gifts, however, this is not something I am really comfortable with… in response to the people that have asked, I have created two wish lists both under Sol Finer. One is at Amazon (www.amazon.com) and the other is at Net-A-Port (www.net-a-porter.com). It’s weird because the best gifts I have received have been visits from you. Yes, you. And if I haven’t met you yet, then a visit from you would be something I would treasure. Really. While a shirt or a candle would be nice, spending time with the people in my life I have come to adore is actually priceless.
Having said this, there is one other thing that is incredibly important to me. Strangely, I never set out to be an activist. But I have now been involved with the Seattle chapter of SWOP (http://swop-seattle.org/) for several months. A donation to SWOP would be incredible. Or, even more so, a donation to SASS (www.Seattle-SASS.org). SASS is the first Seattle Annual Sex Work Symposium. There has been so much press recently (something I touched upon in a recent post) about sex workers. While some of it has been positive, the press has gone hand-in-hand with a tremendous push by the Seattle PD to crack down on sex workers. There was actually an article where a police officer stated there was no such thing as a “happy hooker.” SASS sets out to debunk this myth. There are many, many providers who are independent, work of their own volition, make a reasonable income – on which they pay taxes like everyone else, and simply find the idea they are a victim absurd. Someone like, say, me who are pushed into silence under the very real threat of legal retaliation.
I find the idea that there are women being forced to work against their will abhorrent. The same with underage girls. The same with trafficked women. But there is a clear line of demarcation between these actual victims and providers, like myself, who see this as a job that has flexible hours, incredible co-workers, and great benefits. So if you’d like to do something for me for my birthday, donate to SASS. It is time to educate people unfamiliar with the hobby and let our voices be heard. We are an incredibly diverse group of women, men, transsexuals, camgirls/guys, phone sex operators, pro dommes, foot fetishists….We are black, we are white, we are both, we are Asian, we are married, we are single, we are poly, we are gay/straight/both, we are ivy-league educated, we are high school dropouts, we are mothers/fathers/grandparents, we are members of the PTA, we are soccer coaches. We are providers. And it is time to hear our truth.
It’s been a long time coming… but we’re moved. As many of you know, I share an incall with two absolutely lovely ladies: Jackie Fine and Lauren Love. And, after a rather arduous search, we have found a fantastic new incall. There are a couple of pros and several cons to our former incall. Among the pros: the location and the complete lack of concern/interest at pretty much any activity from the neighbors. The con list is a bit more lengthy: parking is difficult, the exterior of the building is a disaster and even the entryway and stairs are not maintained, the property management company is a nightmare… I could go on.
The question everyone is asking is, of course, where did we go? And the answer is (drumroll please): Capitol Hill!! Yup. We have moved approximately 1/2 mile away. Technically we are on the border of Cap Hill and the CD. It seems we are too Capitol Hill to be the actual Central District but some people call the area Mount Baker but even then we are still on the Cap Hill side of what would be Mt. Baker… oh man!! The multitude of neighborhoods in Seattle makes my head spin!! Regardless of what it is called, our new location has many wonderful amenities not the least of which is ample (well, ample for Capitol Hill) free street parking.
Our super swank new digs include: hardwood floors, washer/dryer in the townhouse, a patio and square footage that is roughly three times the size of the old space. Oh, and the landlord is super, super awesome! The dearth of crazy people rocking themselves in the fetal position on the front steps is just the cherry on top.
Just last week I returned from a near two-week trip back east. It was wonderful. I got to see friends and family. I got to travel with friends (Avani Faye and Chloe May were my delightful travel companions for this adventure). I got to work in cities that I have never previously worked in.
The majority of my time was spent in New York City. I stayed at a marvelous midtown hotel that a client had recommended: Radio City Apartments. For providers out there, normally when travelling I use airbnb, but in NYC, this place was perfect. It was like it was made for providers. The room I had was actually an apartment with a kitchen, dining and seating areas, large bathroom, and a separate bedroom. The hotel is super high volume and there is no late-night guest check-in. There are also not cameras in the halls. Like I said, made for providers! One feature that proved helpful is that it is fully handicapped accessible. Which turned out to be useful as I had one client in a wheelchair (Hi C.!! It was an absolute pleasure!).
It wasn’t all work and no play either. Chloe and I went to see the Book of Mormon on Broadway – hysterical and highly recommended! One afternoon I wandered down to the Math Museum (MoMath). Make jokes at your leisure about how I go to museums devoted to math in my free time. In large part it is geared to kids. However, there were some incredibly interesting and complex exhibits. The curators did a phenomenal job making these interesting and understandable. Let’s be real, it is not an easy feat to make math exciting! I would, in all sincerity, recommend checking it out. Since I have a wild side too(!), Avani and I hit Rick’s Cabaret to check out New York’s lovely ladies. We also crashed a very posh, private party on the rooftop nightclub of a very fancy hotel.
Alas all fun must come to an end. Thankfully I went out with a bang! My last night in NYC a couple sent car service to take me ~20 minutes outside the city to meet them at their lovely home for a threesome. I was a bit nervous not knowing what to expect… I shouldn’t have been. The gorgeous woman that opened the door had my head spinning with a hello kiss. Needless to say, the night was amazing. After that, it was back to the hotel to pack and off to the airport the next morning. It is always fun to get away but it took this trip to make me realize that I have truly come to think of Seattle as home.
There’s a male escort that writes a humorous blog that I often read. One of his more recent posts was about the various things people email or say to him that are awkward. As he is a gay male escort, a number of the more frequent verbal volleys were definitely outside my sphere of reference However, there was a bit of overlap. It prompted me to come up with my own list of frequent yet odd things people email or say to me.
For example, the emails that say: Hi.
Don’t do this. It tells me nothing – except that you are most likely wasting my time. Do send me an email that includes your name, a little about yourself, a proposed date/time for our meeting and a couple of references. If you do this, it lets me know immediately that you are serious about setting up some time. It also expedites the process of getting in to see me. If you send such an email, I can check your references and get back to you potentially allowing the entire intro/screening/logistics process to be completed in two emails.
Don’t send me a dick pic. Why one would send me such a photo is absolutely baffling. Is there really a contingent of men that believe providers are just sitting at their computers waiting to receive photos of their genitalia? If so, please allow me disabuse you of this notion.
Another frequent question is: why don’t you show your face? I can assure you that it is not because I am hideously ugly. I am a grad student at UW. I do not send face pictures to random strangers – no matter how much you assure me that you won’t share them. I don’t know you. And until we have an established relationship, this is simply not going to happen. Just as you value your privacy, I value mine. If you’d like to see my face, schedule an appointment and come on by!
Mu favorite: been busy today? So open-ended… so awkward… So open to interpretation! While from some it is clearly meant in a pejorative way, from others it is less clear. This is a particularly strange question for me as I am always very clear that as a low-volume provider I never see more than one client in a day. Thus when asked this question, I wonder… do you really want to hear about how I spent three hours searching the online archives of the British Library for an obscure citation…?
There are surely more quirks that I am forgetting so I will call this part one. Ladies – email me if you have additions to this list.
In perusing the Economist online the other day, I was more than a little surprised to see an article entitled, “Prostitution, A Personal Choice”(http://www.economist.com/news/leaders/21611063-internet-making-buying-and-selling-sex-easier-and-safer-governments-should-stop#). As anyone that reads the Economist will know, this is not this magazine’s typical reading fare. Further surprising was the stance the author took in analyzing the internet’s influence on the industry and flat out endorsing full decriminalization of prostitution.
This is supposition on my part but I believe the recent attention from the media to prostitution is due in large part to the book Superfreakonomics. The book includes a case study on the economics of prostitution since the advent of the internet. Naturally the media, being the media, has latched onto this as a sensationalist topic and it is mentioned in nearly every interview I have seen with the authors. Stemming from this attention to the business, news organizations are examining prostitution in a more analytical light. Of course not all the coverage is positive and some of it is simple regurgitation of the social stigmas that have been perpetuated for years (whores = crack addicts, prostitutes = controlled by abusive pimps, etc.). It is refreshing to see the Economist take a non-traditional stance and actually look at the industry as an actual business – just like myself and most of my colleagues do. In doing so, they acknowledge that in criminalizing sex for money, governments are increasing the odds that rapes, assaults or other acts of violence will go unreported. With the integration of the internet in the business, prostitution is becoming more available to more people in a dramatic way. By decriminalizing it, governments would not only gain revenue from the men and women working in the industry, they would also allow for safer work environments and better protection for both providers and clients.
As a note, being that prostitution is still illegal in the state of Washington, I would like to be clear that I am not a prostitute. I have not and never will accept money for sex. As one provider in a documentary I saw memorably put it: You buy my time. The sex is free.
As a child I frequently dreamed of having super powers – I wanted to breathe underwater. I wanted to fly. I wanted to be psychic. And while many of my dreams came true (kayaking Midland Sound at dawn, going to Harvard, I could go on!), I never gained a super power. Stay with me here, I’m going somewhere with this!
The other day I had a client that, at the end of our time together, said, “WOW, that was amazing. I had such a wonderful time. The only thing is, I wish you had…” Here’s my point: I’m not psychic. More than anything else, I want your time with me to be everything you desire. If you would like more of something, less of something else, would like play out a secret fantasy you have harbored since your teens – communicate with me!
I always tell people when they enter my incall, their stress, anxiety, unhappiness, drama, etc. gets left at the door. All that baggage will still be there should you choose to pick it up on your way out. However within the confines of this space, there is no drama, no judgment, no social stigmas to hold you back… It is all about wish fulfillment and making fantasies come to life. The critical point here is communication. If you don’t tell me what you want, chances are, I’m not going to magically figure it out.
My entry into this industry was not fueled by avarice. It was a conscientious decision to do something I enjoyed and that allowed to me make other people happy. I relish the pleasure that my clients feel. It brings me a satisfaction like no other. The only way I can make your dreams come true is if you share them to me.
This is, for better or worse, an ephemeral business. Girls come and go all the time. Girls travel. Girls retire. Then un-retire. It is an aspect of the business that just… is. Another aspect, again, for better or worse, is drugs. The prevalence of drug use among pros is sadly quite high (…pun not intended). In my experience, usage runs the gamut. There are casual pot smokers to girls that work solely to support their habits. As someone that doesn’t drink alcohol and doesn’t do any drugs, I don’t have a strong grasp on the “whys” of using. I just know it exists.
The dangers of this use came to slap me in the face just recently when I found out about the death of a friend, Morgan. For those of you that knew her, she was a charming firecracker of a girl. And I do not mean this to be a panegyric for her. This is more of a remembrance of a good person that fought and lost a difficult battle. She wasn’t perfect. She was messy, disorganized, and often forgetful. But more than that she was caring, kind, and loyal. We had not known each other long but I sincerely hope she is at peace.
One of the most surprising elements of working in this industry is the strong sense of community. It was wholly unexpected on my part. Since I was working primarily under the radar for the first months I was here, I didn’t really get a feel for it until I put up my website and, well, broadened my horizons, so to speak.
Just about a week ago I met up with Alice Carroll (www.aliceinbodyland.com) for tea and gossip at one of our favorite spots that is conveniently located smack dab between our incalls. Sunday I went kayaking with Chloe May (www.chloemay.net). She is just the sweetest princess. I got a call from Ariel Capri (www.divadivine.net) on Monday during which she referred me a client. He is one of her regulars but since she is in LA right now, I had the pleasure of making his acquaintance. On Monday evening I went to a potluck at Veronica Lake’s (www.loveveronicalake.com) house that included Gretchen, Bella, Allie, and several other girls (I bet there are a few of you out there that would have killed for an invite to that event which was a bit… wilder than your traditional potluck). Today I received an email from Larrissa (www.lovelylarissa.com) warning about an unfortunate incident she had with a client and reminding us all to stay safe.
The downside to being in this industry is that not many outside of it can relate to the particular pleasures and stresses of this line of work. It has been an incredible experience to be welcomed so warmly by so many of my lovely colleagues.
What a very exciting week this has been and it’s only Tuesday! Thus far, two very interesting things have occurred. First, I received my first review on TER. For those interested in reading it, please check it out here:
It is very helpful reading for anyone interested in meeting with me as it includes a fairly comprehensive list of the services of I offer. As well as those that I don’t… It was written by one of my very first clients ever in Seattle. He is a gentleman that knows me well and whom I absolutely adore. After reading the review myself, I feel it is quite accurate and should definitely be viewed by anyone interested in scheduling time with me.
Second, I posted my first Eros ad. This is my first foray into really “putting myself out there” and I have had a terrific response. If you have responded to the ad but not heard back from me, please be patient. As I have mentioned before, my time is limited and the response has been greater than I could ever have anticipated. Given that I see very few clients per week and everyone needs to be screened, etc. I am working my way through emails as quickly as time allows.
In the weeks to come I anticipate more exciting news will be forthcoming so pleased do stay tuned. xo-sol
Happy Independence Day!!
Hopefully everyone out there is enjoying a wonderful day with family, friends, barbeques, and fireworks! While this holiday is ostensibly about America’s freedom, I’d like to take a moment today to appreciate freedom on a more personal level.
When I moved west last fall, I made a decision to cut ties with a number of people in my life. These were people that were not contributing in my life in a positive way. This is in no way work-related, just a general life observation. Since I was moving 3000 miles away to begin grad school, it’s axiomatic that communication would be reduced. Indeed, it was an opportunity to allow some friendships to slide into obscurity. And I did just that.
It was like a weight had been lifted from me. The complainers, the drama queens, the social ladder climbers were all left behind.
Here in Seattle, I have been meticulous about the people I allow into my life. It’s quality not quantity, right? I feel incredibly blessed to have a handful of wonderful friends (and I count my regulars -all of whom I consider friends more than clients- in this group). Unfortunately, there was one person that slipped through the cracks. It happens. In the last week I had to cut ties. The last thing I want to do is hurt someone’s feelings or make them feel badly. In this vein, I do wish that some conversations had gone differently. But, the bottom line is that this person is out of my life. And I am happier for it. I do not wish ill to anyone so while we are no longer speaking, I truly hope that this person finds peace and happiness.
So while I am eating veggie dogs and watching fireworks today, I am also going to remember and appreciate independence in all its manifestations.
Getting this website set up has been a couple of months in the making. I am thrilled to -finally!- have it live. Since my recent move to Seattle, I have worked exclusively through word-of-mouth and referrals. Because I am a full-time graduate student, I simply do not have the time to see a large volume of clients (as it is now, I refer my weekly overflow to either of two lovely ladies). However, as the school year winds down and summer break approaches, my availability has expanded. Hence, the website and the raised profile. This does not mean that I will trade selectiveness for volume. On the contrary, I will continue to be discerning in those I see. I look forward to making new friends while keeping each experience exciting and genuine.
There are many providers out there that list their availability as 24/7. Unfortunately, because of other commitments that take up my time, I am unable to be quite so open. Beginning June 1st, my hours of availability will be Tuesday-Sunday, noon to midnight. Scheduling in advance is much preferred but I do understand that is not always an option. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with your proposed day/time and let’s work something out. I look forward to meeting you!
On Thursday night I got to check off one of my bucket list items. It was agreed upon before it happened that the event would not be discussed on the boards and it would be kept relatively quiet. However, as the hostess, I feel that gives me some leeway to discuss it very briefly here. Thursday night I hosted my first orgy. And it was a smashing success!!! We have 14 men and 15 women participate. That is really the maximum capacity of the townhouse. In fact, for future events, I think I would cap it at 12 men and 12 women.
We had snacks and wine in the kitchen where the only rule was you could not feed yourself. The dining room table was replaced with a massage table. All the furniture in the living room was pushed to the perimeter and we put a mattress in the center of the room. We opened up the “work bedroom” on the second floor, and also opened up the third floor that consists solely of one large bedroom.
Arrivals were staggered which worked surprisingly well and by 8:30pm, the mattress on the living room floor was a veritable sea of tangled limbs. Others scattered across the various nooks and rooms of the townhouse; we even had a Sybian on the third floor… Which… wow!! That machine got quite a workout. I don’t think there was a lady at the party that didn’t go for a ride!! Since this was my first event, I was nervous that any number of things could go wrong. On the contrary, it was incredible. I can’t recall the last time I had that much fun!!! And, given the thank you notes I received from the clients over the last two days, well I am going to say it was a success across the board. Which of course is great motivation to get planning on my next event!!!!
The recent substitution in the WA legislature of “patronizing a prostitute” to “sexual exploitation” deserves some semiotic exploration. The conflation of sex work and trafficking definitely also merits exploration, however, that is much too large a subject to tackle in just a few paragraphs. Instead, I am focusing on just the wording change and the implications it suggests both in the court of public opinion as well as the legal ramifications.
The most obvious question is, “why bother?” The evolution of laws against prostitution has a long and storied history. It began with the vaguely worded “Mann Act” in 1910. By 1914, prostitution was illegal in every, single state in the US. Since then the legality (or, rather, illegality) of it has been legislated and enforced in fits and starts. The recent push of “End Demand” in WA has created an atmosphere of intolerance. The folks promoting “End Demand” are using the “enormous” (enormous and yet somehow completely unverified) problem of trafficking to push their moral agenda on others. The real problem is that we really have no idea what the statistics for trafficking are in this state or any other. To be clear, anyone that is coerced into the sex industry against their will should be helped. It is a terrible thing and needs to be stopped – without question. However, trafficking is a clandestine industry that operates entirely outside the law. Any study that claims to have factual data on the numbers of trafficked people is a fallacy. There is simply no way to gain data on something that exists so thoroughly outside the law.
However, proponents are insisting that the legislature paint with broad strokes to “save” all these women (and of course, it is all women because virtually no one has addressed the idea that there may be men or transgender people that have been trafficked). This narrow-minded approach with far-reaching ramifications leads us to the wording change. We are back to “why bother”? Well, patronizing a prostitute is a fairly innocuous phrase. It is like patronizing your favorite restaurant or shoe store. The implication is that a person is conducting a relatively benign transaction.
“Sexual exploitation,” on the other hand, has definitive negative connotations. The definition of exploitation is:
1. the action or fact of treating someone unfairly in order to benefit from their work. The syntax of the phrase goes from transactional to adverse. When you add the word “sexual” before exploitation, it goes from adverse to repugnant. Which is exactly what the proponents of this change are working towards. The backstory is that lawmakers are pushing to have asset seizure be a punishment for people convicted of sexual exploitation.
If the wording still stood as “patronizing a prostitute,” seizing assets as a punishment would seem like a rather harsh move. However, when legislators use “exploitation,” the punishments seems much more fitting to the crime. Thusly, in the simplest of terms: lawmakers are using the negative representation of a phrase as a means to take your stuff. Which is, of course, repugnant.